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Witze, Humor, Jokes, Fun, Scherze, Spaß, Komik
Baaaaaah, die Zeit vergeht nicht ... und das denke ich nicht zum ersten Mal. Gar nicht lustig.
Vielleicht helfen ein paar Witze. Witze sind ein bedeutender kultureller Aspekt, Humor ist wichtig.
Natürlich darf hier auch diskutiert werden aber jeder sollte wenigstens noch einen Witz in seinem Beitrag bringen. Lustige Bilder gehen natürlich auch aber es gibt ja schon einen Bild des Tages Thread - also hier vielleicht eher schriftliche Witze ... wobei, also bei Bildern muss man nicht so viel lesen und der "Bild des Tages" Thread ist eher ernster. Lustige Videos sind natürlich auch okay.
Sorry, wem das zu viele englische Witze waren - andere können ja mehr deutsche Witze bringen. Englisch ist eine Weltsprache, die man können sollte - mit englischen Witzen kann man so auch etwas Englisch lernen.
Überhaupt können manche Witze auch lehrreich sein ... oder einfach nur lustig. Nicht lustig? Dann poste einfach einen guten Witz. (alles imho)
Baaaaaah, die Zeit vergeht nicht ... und das denke ich nicht zum ersten Mal. Gar nicht lustig.
Vielleicht helfen ein paar Witze. Witze sind ein bedeutender kultureller Aspekt, Humor ist wichtig.
Natürlich darf hier auch diskutiert werden aber jeder sollte wenigstens noch einen Witz in seinem Beitrag bringen. Lustige Bilder gehen natürlich auch aber es gibt ja schon einen Bild des Tages Thread - also hier vielleicht eher schriftliche Witze ... wobei, also bei Bildern muss man nicht so viel lesen und der "Bild des Tages" Thread ist eher ernster. Lustige Videos sind natürlich auch okay.
(Bitch (slang))Bill and Hillary are at a Yankees home game, sitting in the first row, with the Secret Service people directly behind them.
One of the Secret Service guys leans forward and whispers something to Bill. At first, Clinton stares at the guy, looks at Hillary, looks back at the agent, and shakes his head "no." The agent then says, "Mr. President, it was a unanimous request of the entire team, from the owner of the team to the bat boy."
Bill hesitates...but begins to change his mind when the agent tells him the fans would love it! Bill shrugs his shoulders and says, "Ho-Kay! If that is what the people want. C'mere Hilly, baby..."
With that, Bill gets up, grabs Hillary by her collar and the seat of her pants, lifts her up, and tosses her right over the wall onto the field.
She gets up kicking, swearing, screaming,"Bill you "!^$#@&!". The crowd goes absolutely wild. Fans are jumping up & down, cheering, hooting and hollering, and high-fiving. Bill is bowing, smiling and waving to the crowd.
He leans over to the agent and says, "How about that! I would have never believed how much everyone would enjoy that!"
Noticing the agent has gone totally pale, he asks what is wrong. The agent replies, "Sir, I said they want you to throw out the first Pitch."
http://www.cnet.com/forums/discussions/clinton-administration-joke-169159/
Ein treuer Jünger preist die begnadeten Fähigkeiten seines Wunderrabbis: «Jede Nacht spricht Gott mit ihm!» Ein Zuhörer will es ihm nicht glauben. «Dein Rabbi lügt», sagt er. «Unsinn», sagt der treue Jünger verächtlich. «Würde Gott mit einem Lügner sprechen?»
http://www.nzz.ch/fuenf_juedische_witze_ausgewaehlt_vom_autor_ch_arles_lewinsky-1.10361248
The Godfather, accompanied by his attorney, walks into a room to meet with his accountant. The Godfather asks the accountant, "where's the three million bucks you embezzled from me?"
The accountant doesn't answer.
The Godfather asks again, "where's the three million bucks you embezzled from me?"
The attorney interrupts, "Sir, the man is a deaf-mute and cannot understand you, but I can interpret for you."
The Godfather says, "well, ask him where the @#!* money is."
The attorney, using sign language, asks the accountant where the three million dollars is.
The accountant signs back, "I don't know what you're talking about."
The attorney interprets to the Godfather, " He doesn't know what you're talking about "
The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to the temple of the accountant, cocks the hammer and says, "Ask him again where the @#!* money is!"
The attorney signs to the accountant, "He wants to know where it is!"
The accountant signs back, "Okay! Okay! The money's hidden in a suitcase behind the shed in my backyard!"
The Godfather says, "Well, what did he say?"
The attorney interprets to the Godfather, "He says that you don't have the guts to pull the trigger."
http://www.iciclesoftware.com/LawJokes/IcicleLawJokes.html
One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail, and he tripped over a large snake and fell, Ker-plop!, right on his twitchy little nose.
"Oh, please excuse me!" said the ever-so-polite bunny. "I didn't mean to trip over you, but I'm blind and couldn't see."
"That's perfectly all right," replied the snake. "To be sure, it was MY fault. I didn't mean to trip you, but I'm blind too, and I didn't see you coming. By the way, what kind of animal are you?"
"Well, I really don't know," said the bunny. "I'm blind, and I've never seen myself. Maybe you could examine me and find out."
So the snake felt the bunny all over, and he said, "Well, you're soft, and cuddly, and you have long silky ears, and a little fluffy tail, and a dear twitchy little nose; YOU must be a BUNNY RABBIT!" And the little blind bunny was so pleased he danced with joy.
Then he said, "I can't thank you enough, but, by the way, WHAT kind of animal are YOU?"
And the snake replied that he didn't know, and the bunny agreed to examine HIM, and when he was finished, the snake said, "Well, what kind of an animal am I?" So the bunny felt the snake all over, and he replied, "You're hard, you're cold, you're slimy, and you haven't got any balls... You must be a lawyer."
http://www.iciclesoftware.com/LawJokes/IcicleLawJokes.html
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A1: It only takes one lawyer to change your light bulb to his light bulb.
A2: You won't find a lawyer who can change a light bulb. Now, if you're looking for a lawyer to screw a light bulb...
A3: ...
http://www.iciclesoftware.com/LawJokes/IcicleLawJokes.html
Two Jewish women were sitting under hair dryers at the hairdresser. The first lady says, "So nu, how's your family?"
The second one responds, "Oh just fine. My daughter is married to the most wonderful man. She never has to cook; he always takes her out. She never has to clean; he got her a housekeeper. She never has to work; he's got such a good job. She never has to worry about the children, he got her a nanny."
She continues with a question to the first lady, "So how is your son these days?"
The first woman says, "Just awful. He is married to such a witch of a woman. She makes him take her out to dinner every night, she never cooks a dish. She made him get her a housekeeper, G-d forbid she should vacuum a carpet! He has to work like a dog because she won't get a job and she never takes care of their children, because she made him get her a nanny!"
http://www.jewishcareinteract.org/50-best-jewish-jokes
There was a man called Yaakov who lived near a river in America. He was a very religious man.
One day, the river rose over the banks and flooded the town, and Yaakov was forced to climb onto his porch roof. While he was sitting there, a man in a boat came along and told Yaakov to get in the boat. Yaakov said, "No, that's OK, G-d will take care of me." So, the man in the boat drove off.
The water rose, so Yaakov climbed onto his roof. At that time, another boat came along and the person in that one told Yaakov to get in. He replied, "No, that's OK, G-d will take care of me." The person in the boat left.
The water rose even more, and Yaakov climbed on his chimney. Then a helicopter came and lowered a ladder. The man in the helicopter told Yaakov to climb up the ladder and get in. He told the man, "That's OK." The pilot said, "Are you sure?" Yaakov said, "Yeah, I'm sure G-d will take care of me."
Finally, the water rose too high and Yaakov drowned. He got up to Heaven and spoke with the angel at the gate. Yaakov questioned, "Why didn't G-d take care of me! What happened?"
The angel replied, "Well, He sent you two boats and a helicopter. What else did you want?"
http://www.jewishcareinteract.org/50-best-jewish-jokes
Businessman Abe Greenberg phones a law office and says: "I want to speak to my lawyer."
The receptionist replies, "I'm sorry Mr Greenberg, but he died last week."
The next day Abe phones again and asks the same question. The receptionist replies, "I told you yesterday, he died last week."
The next day he calls again and asks to speak to his lawyer. By this time the receptionist is getting a little annoyed and says, "Mr Greenberg, I keep telling you that your lawyer died last week. Why do you keep calling?"
The guy says, "It gives me such pleasure to hear you say that."
http://www.jewishcareinteract.org/50-best-jewish-jokes
Jay Fullmer, 38, yesterday became the first American to get to grips with the concept of irony.
"It was weird" Fullmer said. "I was in London and like, talking to this guy and it was raining and he pulled a face and said, "Great weather eh?" and I thought - "Wait a minute, no way is it great weather".
Fullmer then realised that the other man's 'mistake' was in fact deliberate.
Fullmer, who is 39 next month and married with two children, aged 8 and 3, plans to use irony himself in future.
"I'm, like, using it all the time" he said. "Last weekend I was grilling steaks, and I burned them, and I said "Hey, great weather."
http://vowe.net/archives/003530.html
After Christmas vacation, an elementary school teacher was asking her students how they celebrated Christmas. When she got to Sammy, whose father ran a local toy store, she said, "Sammy, since you're jewish, I guess your family didn't celebrate Christmas/"
Sammy replied; "Oh yes, we did. We all held hands and danced around the cash register singing "What a friend we have in Jesus."
http://www.angelfire.com/al/AttardBezzinaLawrenc/jewish.html
Sorry, wem das zu viele englische Witze waren - andere können ja mehr deutsche Witze bringen. Englisch ist eine Weltsprache, die man können sollte - mit englischen Witzen kann man so auch etwas Englisch lernen.
Überhaupt können manche Witze auch lehrreich sein ... oder einfach nur lustig. Nicht lustig? Dann poste einfach einen guten Witz. (alles imho)